Another holiday without my Bri…

The holidays just do not have the joy that they use to. Every year the kids have gotten Easter baskets with a few small gifts but the last couple of years I haven’t even thought about shopping for them. One of the boys asked where the baskets were… I welled up with tears. It is so hard to think of doing those things anymore without doing something for her. I feel horrible for the boys. Not only did we lose Bri but we have lost so much more… The sense of joy, the sense of security (both mentally and physically) and the desire to be motivated.
Recently, some one said to me you would have to put me in a looney bin if that would happen to one of my children. (Sadly, it happens quite frequently) Those words make me feel as if I am not grieving enough…like I should be in a padded room. I actually remember saying it myself before this happened. I don’t know how I am not in that looney bin but I’m not… Even though most days I feel I should be. I believe that we must have an amazing capacity to keep standing and continue to breathe… Don’t ask me how but I do even when I feel like the pain is just too much!
Just want to say to my boys… Thank you for being patient with mom. I love you both so very much!!!